This song seems to help me when I'm down & out.

Music is my best friend...after all you've NEVER failed me.

[Me]

I'd do anything to feel your lips on mine.

One hand intertwined w/ mine

the other hand lingering down my spine.

Passion ignites

Kisses entice....me

To possibly give you ALL of me endlessly

Loving you heavily.

Sincerely...

Free

I wanna go to the only place I feel free...

No expectations,

No rules,

Just me,

music my pen & my pad.

No rumble in the jungles

or fire engines roaring when

the street is soundless.

I want to be able to put my toes in the sand

and wade or swim in the water.

I want to be able to explore this

oh so perfect world

No worries,

No bills,

No expectations.

I want to be able to make

passionate love from when night falls

to the sunrising and rays

glistening off of our bodies.

I want to feel pure and utter bliss

for this reality I would dismiss

for one chance at doing this.

Maybe not permanently,

but temporarily.

Maybe with that I'd appreciate my

reality more and cherish the time

I have in both places...

I'd like to be able to bring back souvenirs

and talk about all the drinks I had

and other care free

nonchalant people I see.

All the laughs that consisted at the

literal happy hour.

I want to go where nobody knows me

and everytime I go back

There would be new people

That hadn't seen me before...

I explore this magical place

in my slumber.

Do you want to go with me?

....If so....take a number.

Abstrakt 2010 ©

[Dear Life]

I understand you now. I know why things have happened, and I know why things didn't. I know why May 10th 2003 changed my life forever. I now know why 05-02-09 was when I thought shoulda,coulda wouldas really existed.

I'm thankful for everyday that was a regret just for the simple fact that I can look back and talk about it. Possibly laugh at it. I thank you for bringing wonderful people into my life, and taking the negative ones out. I thank you for giving me chances on my own personal fuck ups that I rather not share. I'm thankful for you throwing those curve balls that I knocked out of the way everytime. I thank you for the obstacles also, after all nothing in life is easy. I thank you for teaching me about forgiveness but never forgetting. I thank you for breathing life into me, so I paid it forward and breathed life into another [my sun-shines-consistently]. It could have been a whole lot worse along the way...but nonetheless I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Sincerely,

Abs

So once again I find myself questioning everything.

I wouldn't say I'm even half way a little bothered either. I mean it is what it is honestly. Anywho long story made short I had "met" someone. Things were okay till I realized that she really only "needed" and "wanted" me b/c she was lonely.

Like my intuitions said, ask her if all of this is in vain. I didn't though. I usually always follow my intuitions but this time I didn't. I know now that I should have :-/. Like I'm NOT in any shape or form lonely however it would be nice to have someone by my side and to talk to.

I will reiterate this over, and over if I have to I will NOT settle. I want someone to WANT me not NEED me, that's not healthy to me. Let me break this down further before people misread what I am trying to say. There is a way to need someone and not live off of every waking moment with or without them. Then there is the I guess you can say, the "light" version of I need you which is usually followed by more words to show said affection.

Now, I've been on both sides of that trust me, I've lived in, around and on the word need. The very last time I lived IN the word need. It was sickening, just being honest that was the most unhealthy 4 or 5 months of my life. I don't really want to get off subject but this whole situation is still a part of me past or not it's involved in my present. Just for the simple fact I live by this mistake, so it won't happen again. So as I was saying I had an ex that came to live with me b/c my heart is big and I really felt sorry for her. Well with her I was all that she had and she NEEDED me in every sense of the word. Emotionally, mentally and physically draining. Like, it affected my other relationships outside of whatever it was we had going. Then when she started meeting people I thought it had gotten better for the most part but it really didn't. She wasn't working, wasn't trying to find work and she stayed gone just chilling most of the time. While I was at work, that wasn't even cool I'm not going to go into further incidents but, when it was over I was happier. However, I felt like I had lost a part of me IN her when she left b/c I gave so much of myself that it's gone forever.

That situation also affects me negatively to today, I don't let people in and I refuse to feel the way I felt with that girl. Like at first it was cool, you know we were in like/ then love or should I say lust. Yeah lust will get you sucked in and blinded by the truth. It's a big fear of mine, that's why the people I have talked to haven't really got "IN" so to speak. I think it's out there and it's possible to be in love, completely submerged in love [In the healthy way]. To have a connection completely in every shape or form is what I yearn for. These fly by night talking/dating things shyt is for the birds. I'm too old for this, so if I don't "get" someone that is doing stuff with their life and doesn't really NEED me, I will be just fine being single.

I will let you know this though, even with the bad experiences, good ones, sad ones I am just happy that I have lived in love, and passion so I felt what that feels like. To experience it again would be beautiful, if it doesn't I'll be just fine without it. It has happened though & that's what matters.

[Untitled]

If my existence only

Surfaces when you need that physical Fix…I’ll take it.

The chemistry beseeches any and everything

I have ever fathomed

Every touch

Every kiss every motion

My soul succumbs and dives into your mouth.

Your scent seeps into my pores

So when you leave

I have remnants of you all over me

My body quivers at the after shock

I smirk waiting for it to happen again

And again And again.

My body responds to you and only you

You appreciate the lovers lock

And the kisses of passion

Not….missing….a beat.

So when I say if my existence only surfaces

when you need that physical fix I’ll take it…

Just know I’m not settling

I’m listening to my soul, & right now it’s yearning for you.

Take your time with me

Hold me like you love me

Kiss me like you love me

Touch me like you need me

After all it’s a guarantee

We’ll be floating indefinitely

Just you & me Existing in ecstasy.

© 2010 Abstrakt

[Untitled]

Slick tongued

Strong willed

Encased by blunt truths

Snake eyes

Mentality is everybody lies

We tried

U cried

I lied

Forked tongue sharper

than A serpents tongue

Smells seek you out

To make me remember what once was

I cringe

I binge

I pretend

You lend your shoulder

To later yank it out from under me

I lose balance and fall for

Another false hope

Waiting to elope By myself to forget another.

Lover

Love-HER

Seeker

Seek-HER

Pleaser

Please-HER

My hearts racing

I stare up to the sky

And see my fear flying by my

Heart drops

Feels like it stops

Incoherent thoughts ease

in and out of my mind

I shake

I tremble

I feel tears dropping

Streaming

Crawling

down my bitter cheeks

I look around me to

reassure myself

Of the forgotten

Existance

Excuse me

Perdoname

Songs my son sing

scratches at my brain waves

Becoming a slave to

consistent rhythms

and Repitions of his little hands

making noise when I least expect it

His feet walking in my footsteps

as we scream at the

top of our lungs

“1-2-3-4 march”

excuse me…..

Pardon me “coming through your property”

etched in my brain

Yet another child rhyme heard from the contraption called TV

I try to finish this poem….

EXCUSE ME

PARDON ME!!!

My heart needs a minute to catch up with my brain.

Abstrakt 2010©

[A Catalyst of Imperfections]

A catalyst of imperfections and perfections
Bundled into a humble soul
Perceptions twisted often misunderstood
Overlooked by the book of rules
Of how I am supposed to be
Percieved to be.....
All these stereotypes
Tied to me.....
How Do I break free
From the trapped mentality of
them
her
and she....

I swallow my pride daily
With my hands outstretched for nothing
but a validated hug from HER
whoever she may be
Just an ounce of reaasurance I swear
would reformat me
Judge us
Judge you
Judge me
Judge......
WE.....

unexplainably we conform without even really knowing.
Knowing is beautiful
Rules seem inevitable
Trust seems unbelievable
Individiduality = extinct

......I bet that makes u think.

Abstrakt 2009©

[Undercover]

Hiding from the reality of life
Protection from the brutal unwanted truths
Scared
Nervous
Agitated
Misunderstood but safe
Undercover she dwells
In a deep solemn slumber
She dreams a perfect world
A perfect life
A tcefrep love
No regrets
No mistakes
Just risk takers
No more haters or
Fakers.

You think that life would be better perfect
To her it'd be boring the ups and downs give her
The motivation to keep breathing
keep moving
keep living
keep BEING
You only have one to live

As the REM sets in everything takes a turn
as she drifts into her memories
Trying to forget
forgotten
If the past is the past why does it rehash itself at all the wrong times
Wishing she could select a point in time to erase and replace with a diferent memory
Or better yet prolong the distant positive memory
Erase all the times tears wasted and seeped into her pillow
Erase all the lies
Heartaches and heartbreaks
In a perfect world thats all it would take

REM stops
Dream bubbles pop
body and thoughts drop
Back in her deep slumber
she goes....
Undercover.

ASRN 1999©

Hypnotized (My poetry) [04.12.09]

Your mentality kept me in a trance
When your mouth submits words into a sentence
to complete your thoughts
My knees buckled
I became tongue tied and speechless
Something like breathless..
Hypnotized by your eyes
They say your inner most desires & when you used to look
At me
It was heavenly
What I wouldn't to feel how I felt.
Hypnotized by your voice
-loud-
But when it came to me it was differently
it soothed me softly
But now, that's all history
All I have is the memories
Wondering if your thoughts are of me
Wondering if you even miss me
Wondering if you smile as hard as you did with me
And for me
My heart hasn't healed yet &
I can't seem to forget you.
Everything we shared
All the times you said you cared
-The truth that I couldn't seem to bare-
Regardless you seemed to always be there
Hypnotized..
Hearing
You
Persistantly
Near
On
Time
Incredible
Zeus
Extravagantly
Body of a GODDESS....
I dream of you
I yearn to see your smile again
In the past it all shall remain
Lost in the mist
Hypnotized with a twist
I messed up ; you messed up
-NOTHING-
-EVERYTHING TO NOTHING-
I must close this hypnotized chapter
And close off these feelings
now and hereafter.

Abstrakt 2009©

[A Few Beats For Poet]

I walk to the beat of when she whispers to me baby

…..Her attentiveness makes me weak in the knees….

I blush at how she knows all the right things to say to me
At the beat of her words…makes me wonder if the beats are so intense just
Imagine what they are like in person….

If I could have one beat of my choice
It would be to touch her and take away her pain,
Kiss away her worries,
And love her like it’s my last chance at love.

Let our beats collide and make sweet music.
Beat after beat I feel her warmth all over me
I can’t control myself…

My Beats and her beats are harmonious & serene.
I really love these beats
The Instrumental must eventually come to an end.

But one day, I will soon have a few more beats from poet.

Copyright © 2005